We garnered focus on intelligence and ability over appearance. Indeed, we've come a long way, Baby. We were winning the self confidence battle. So what happens? Men have taken over where we left off. Our dream of people as people is flopping.

Young men are being blasted with images of steroid built hunks-o-meat from action flick stars to professional wrestlers. You, too, may become Governor of a great Midwestern State if your pecs are bulky enough.

Take G.I. Joe dolls. Oh, sorry. G.I. Joe action figures. The Barbie sized Joe has been transformed from a scrawny grunt into a figure which - in real life - would have a 55 inch chest and 27 inch biceps. Beloved Tarzan went from Normal Man to Amazing Hulk after Disney got a hold of him. Even steroid use cannot accomplish these feats, yet this is the gloriously oiled image flashed before boys today.

Instead of coming to a middle ground with women, men are adopting our worst traits. Who is more concerned with acne and the size of their breasts? Who is more likely to binge eat? If you guessed women - bleep - you lose, according to the new book, The Adonis Complex. Gym memberships for men have topped the $2 billion mark. They spend another $2 billion on home equipment and 900,000 men underwent cosmetic procedures in 1996. Sales of body booster substances in the form of protein powders, fat burners, creatine, adrenal hormones and anabolic steroids are skyrocketing.

Cute boy bands proliferate. They parade like peacocks with bleached and perfectly tousled hair, various piercings and tattoos. They obviously spend way more time in front of the mirror than I.

Susan Faludi, author of Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man asks why men, like women before them - are not choosing to come together and rebel against the society that has thrown them into crisis. Reviewer Elizabeth Gleick of Time gathered from Faludi that men are victims of a competitive, consumerist, "ornamentalist" system that strips men of their sense of belonging and their ability to nurture and be nurtured.

Yet within all this men must remain macho. Although the draft ended in 1973, young men 18 to 25 are still required by law to register with the Selective Service System in the event of war or national emergency. You had your chance to instate the Equal Rights Amendment, but did you? Nope. Men's only hope to escape this all male bastion is to be incarcerated or institutionalized. That is not encouraging to the law abiding and mentally healthy ones left.

And, suicide rates in the military are rising dramatically. Over the past ten years about 10 times as many men have died at their own hand than from hostile fire, a rate twice as high as the equivalent general male population.

What sparked this column was an announcement of the upcoming release of an ointment version of testosterone called AndroGel. 4 million American men do not produce "enough" and currently take a synthetic version via injection or in patch form applied daily to the scrotum. Ouch. The shots make for a roller coaster ride, probably something akin to menopause I'd bet, of emotional and physical side effects - from bursts of energy and libido in the first couple of days to fatigue and depression later. Maybe all men should be required to take these shots, forcing a more sympathetic view to women's bodily changes.

General fears about AndroGel arise because of the ease of application and the possible overuse by young athletes wanting to bulk up, creating a potential black market. The dangers of overuse in teens include acne, breast development and a shutting down of bone growth. In older men, studies indicate excess levels of testosterone can fuel the growth of tumors. But, immortal teens may turn a deaf ear. Could be your corner drug pusher will be carrying it by the fall. "Hey! Whatcha want? Dope? Ecstasy? Testosterone? Here, little boy. Come and get it."

Poor, poor men. I feel sorry for you even though I spent my early childhood attempting to become one of you. Boys did all the cool stuff. Good thing my wish didn't come true. The trick here is more complicated than you can imagine because you don't know women's dirty little secret. The vast majority of us do NOT like that giant, muscle man figure. It turns us off. So, now you know. Sit down.

This is LN Shapely. Exercise your mind today by visiting me on the WWW at lnshapely.com for awardless winning commentary and a contest more difficult than "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." Until next time, peace be with you.

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