By: The Designer | 28Nov1999
* "Get Some!" is not the registered trademark of NAS-T, the National Association of Screws and Turnkeys, a notional organization.
|
Are you unsatisfied with your current employer?
"In the past decade, the U.S. Congress and many state legislatures have established harsh criminal penalties for a wide range of drug offenses, often using the vehicle of mandatory minimum prison sentences. As a consequence, drug offenders in the United States face sentences that are uniquely severe among constitutional democracies." [Reference 1] Would you like a better job, with benefits you never dreamed were available?
"...our nation has turned to an ever increasing punitive approach to addressing criminal justice issues. As a result, the prison and jail population in the United States has soared to nearly 1.5 million, which currently rates as the highest per capita incarceration rate in the world--555 out of every 100,000 citizens. In recent years, women and children have experienced some of the most dramatic increases in incarceration and criminal justice control rates. For example, between 1980 and 1992 the female prison population in our country increased 276%, compared to 163% for men." [Reference 2] Maybe you aren't particularly attractive, so not as sexually active as you'd like to be. Or maybe you'd just like to get a little harmless nookie on the side to tide you over when the old lady isn't putting out. Have you heard the word 'no' too many times, and would like to put the moves on them in an environment where they simply aren't in a position to refuse?
"The plaintiff, an unnamed woman, was arrested for public intoxication and resisting arrest on August 2, 1996. After being placed in a jail cell, she said a male deputy forced her to disrobe completely and compelled her to walk naked in front of several male deputies to another room where some deputies strapped her hands and feet to a wooden door-like contraption. The suit alleges she was then left uncovered for a period of time, until eventually one of the female deputies covered her body." [Reference 3] If we have been describing you, then there are job opportunities available which can resolve all your problems. Get up and get motivated! Most importantly, Get Some! TM as a government employee in the growing field of Corrections. Across this great nation of ours, states, counties and the Feds are hiring to meet the needs of the burgeoning jail and prison systems. Why is this industry expanding? The U.S. Department of Justice reports that -- while the rate of violent crime is decreasing -- the number of citizens in jails and state or Federal prisons has been growing 7% annually since 1990. As a result of "three strikes and you're out" and minimum mandatory sentences and the War on Drugs, there are nearly 2 million of us incarcerated at this moment. A growing number of citizens -- especially women! -- are doing time for consensual crimes, i.e., actions that didn't hurt anybody.
"Robin Lucas was asleep on a rickety bunk on Sept. 22, 1995, when she heard the steel door click and saw the silhouettes of three large men entering her cell. Before she could make out their faces, they had forced her arms back and handcuffed her from behind. Then they were upon her. They beat, savagely raped and then sodomized her for hours. When they got up to leave, one of the men stopped, retraced his steps and urinated on Lucas' brutalized body. Lucas had self-surrendered at the Federal Correctional Institution for women at Dublin, Calif., on Feb. 24, 1994, prepared to serve a 30-month sentence for conspiracy to commit bank fraud." [Reference 4] If people are being locked up who never victimized anybody -- especially women in poverty and with a history of abuse -- what does this mean to you? It means no worries about a shank in the back in self-defense. It means less fighting, clawing and biting. Women who have already been fucked over by society and their own government are not as likely to care when a man in a guard's uniform decides to take advantage of their situation. What's a little coerced sex to those whose lives have been put on hold -- maybe permanently -- and they haven't even seen their kids for awhile?
"We found that male correctional employees have vaginally, anally, and orally raped female prisoners and sexually assaulted and abused them. We found that in the course of committing such gross misconduct, male officers have not only used actual or threatened physical force, but have also used their near total authority to provide or deny goods and privileges to female prisoners to compel them to have sex or, in other cases, to reward them for having done so....[M]ale officers have used mandatory pat-frisks or room searches to grope women's breasts, buttocks, and vaginal areas and to view them inappropriately while in a state of undress in the housing or bathroom areas." [Reference 5] Would you like to make women parade around naked in front of you? Do you like the idea of patting down a defenseless babe -- putting your hands where you could never put them at your current job -- while checking for contraband? Does the idea of routine cavity searches, whenever and however you say, turn you on? You could be missing out on the action at your local county jail or the state or Federal pen.
"Four of the five women we interviewed reported having been raped by guards. The fifth woman had a consensual relationship with a guard who subsequently became abusive when she tried to end the relationship. Three of the women have minor children. The women are serving time for various crimes ranging from minor drug possession charges to murder." [Reference 6] Have you been searching for those newsgroups with pictures of nude pregnant chicks? Does big and round and ready to give birth put the bulge in your skivvies? Can you imagine yourself -- armed with a billy club -- doing your duty in a State penitentiary's receiving unit, checking in and checking on pregnant addicts? If so, you might want to move to South Carolina -- the only state in the Union where a woman can be sentenced to ten years in prison for child abuse, just for using drugs, without proof that their conduct has harmed the fetus.
"In the District of Columbia, prison guards routinely sexually assaulted female prisoners. One officer fondled the breasts and vagina of a prisoner who was receiving medical care in the infirmary, forced her to perform oral sex, and then raped her. Another officer forced a prisoner to perform oral sex on him while she emptied the trash as part of a work detail." [Reference 2] Or does your taste in wenching run along the more traditional idea of beauty? Would you like to get it on with some babe who isn't in a good position to fight back? There are prisons for women and juvenile facilities across the nation ready to review your application. In addition to these fringe benefits, working in corrections also offers reasonable pay, a good retirement plan, and the chance to wear a badge and uniform. As a correctional officer, guard or sheriff's deputy working in the prisons, penitentiaries and jails, you are automatically a well-respected member of the community -- regardless of what naughty little games you can play at work.
"The Michigan Department of Corrections is being sued by a class of women plaintiffs for sexual assaults, sexual abuse, sexual harassment, and inappropriate visual surveillance within its two corrections facilities... Corrections department officials have consistently denied that such abuse is a problem within the prisons despite well-supported evidence to the contrary. John Engler, governor of Michigan, in a letter refusing to allow a U.N. human rights monitor access to the prisons, called the lawsuit "baseless" and accused the monitor of being an "unwitting tool in the Justice Department's agenda to discredit the State of Michigan." [Reference 6] And as a guard or jailer, your reputation is safe. If one of the sows do complain, whom are people going to believe: you or a convict?
"Jane Doe 1, who had been reluctant to speak of the allegations and who sought advice from the prison chaplain who then made a unilateral decision to report the conduct, believes that she is being punished for reporting the sexual abuse. She further feels that she would never step forward with another accusation under any circumstances because she does not believe she will be given a fair opportunity to be heard but instead will be punished." [Reference 6] Do you like them young and fresh? Is your motto, 'If they're old enough to go to the market, they're old enough to get the meat'? If so, prisons and jails could be your pleasure palace -- courtesy of the United States Congress. New changes in the juvenile justice system mean younger inmates, incarcerated as adults! Get Some! TM Yummy!
"In the wake of recent tragic school shootings, the House and Senate have adopted "tough on crime" legislation that contain Draconian changes to the federal juvenile justice system, including provisions that would allow for prosecution of children as young as 14 as adults." [Reference 7] How is all this possible? How can you -- a horny young (or even older) buck -- be allowed to manage every detail of the lives of sweet young waifs (and more experienced ladies) who have no place to run and nowhere to hide when you want some? The answer is equal employment opportunity. Judicial interpretations of the 14th Amendment to the American Constitution means that women can work in men's prisons, and men can work in women's prisons.
"In Ironton, Ohio, a 15 year-old girl ran away from home overnight, then returned to her parents, but was put in jail by the juvenile court judge to "teach her a lesson." On the fourth night of her confinement, she was sexually assaulted by a deputy jailer." [Reference 2] What else is in your favor? In fourteen states, it is perfectly legal for guards to engage in sexual activity with inmates. If you can seduce them with gifts and privileges, go for it. If you can't, and you do have to resort to a bit of forcible in-and-out, don't worry. You've got the power and the respect. If she gripes, just tell them it was consensual and she's screaming rape ex post facto. Like we said before, whom are they going to believe? Across the nation, even if an inmate's whining of sexual abuse gets into court (rarely), the Blue Wall of Silence works for others, and it can work for you. These complaints are rarely successful, since they usually boil down to the word of upstanding men in uniform against the word of known criminals and liars.
"In Georgia, dozens of women, some as young as 16, were forced to have sex with prison guards, maintenance workers, and a prison chaplain. Many became pregnant and were coerced by prison staff to have abortions." [Reference 2] So what are you waiting for? Get Some! TM Do you know someone who's already in the business? Is a male friend or relative -- your daddy, maybe? -- working as a guard, jailer or in some other capacity in the growing prison system, especially where there are women? If so, find out if they've been testifying about their fellow turnkeys who've been getting some of that precious prison nookie. Ask them about sexual threats, coercion, and the abuse of power. If they say they aren't aware of it... if they clam up, act unconcerned, or get pissy that you would even suggest that such a thing exists in America, then they haven't been snitching. If they aren't a part of some do-gooder effort to expose and deal with the God-given right to use this precious national resource and use it good and hard, then you know they're probably getting some too. Slip 'em a wink. Let them know how proud you are that they aren't letting it go to waste and that they aren't letting precious lives rot away in lockup for nothing. When you're ready for a job with truly exotic benefits, take those exams (there are extra points if you're a military veteran), put on a nice suit for your interview, hold your head high and get ready to Get Some! TM
No wonder that jails are crowded, and taxes and poor-rates increased. Under such systems, nothing is to be looked for but what has already happened; and as to reformation, whenever it come, it must be from the nation, and not from the government. Do not be misled by the fact that you are at liberty and relatively free; that for the moment you are not under lock and key: you have simply been granted a reprieve.
publish such a thing, refer to our Note On Satire. Reserve your righteous indignation for those truly responsible.
Also see... |
| Be informed when new content is added. | Email a Link to this page. | Email the SOB who publishes this. |